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When I was in grade school, a teacher drew a sad face on my paper and turned from me to my mom and said to her that I was ‘not teachable.’ Soon after, I was diagnosed with Severe Dyslexia and told I would never amount to anything.

I wrote letters and words backwards and one day I was ridiculed in front of my entire class. My teacher walked by to see that I had filled an entire page with backward notes written completely from right to left unbeknownst to me. I spoke fast and was told my brain was processing too slowly to keep up with everyone else. Each semester, I was recommended by an advisor to drop a class or two, be part of less curricular activities, and apply for more time during test-taking. However, despite being a middle child and craving to be special, in this case I did not want to be different from my classmates. I made my parents swear to never tell anyone about my disability and by middle school, I took my C report cards with pride, because I was still with my friends in regular classes and no one knew my secret.
In fact, I had discovered different ways to keep people from learning of my secret, such as being a big flirt with the boys, earning my class clown title and shining wherever I could outside the classroom via theater, chorus or soccer.

Then something happened in high school. I became interested in what I was learning. I actually wanted to learn how to solve math problems. I loved getting lost in literature and the class discussions on all the possible ways to interpret a novel. While I must admit the names and dates of people in history never managed to tickle my fancy, I found that the teachers who could color my imagination had me wanting to spend an extra 3 hours on homework each night. I knew I would need to spend 2-3 hours more on study compared to my friends in order to get the grades I wanted and by tenth grade, I really desired those B’s. I stayed up later to do what I had to for my success. I would wake up an hour earlier to make sure I knew the material before my exams. And sure enough, those B’s were mine, as well as a sprinkling of A’s.

In college, I would sneak off into the library after classes while my friends watched afternoon talk shows. When I came back for dinner, they would groan about their homework and I would go along knowing mine was more than half-way completed. On weekends, I woke up early and snuck in a few hours of studying while everyone else slept-in and by junior year I had gotten my first 4.0.

Close to my college graduation, I began second guessing all my non-supporters. I developed a theory that maybe everything I thought was “wrong” with me, was actually strong about me. It wasn’t that I was processing in my brain slowly, but rather I was processing too quickly and when the information went from my brain to my mouth or pen, it was a jumbled mess. I found that I actually had to teach myself to slow down when doing math and how to speak slowly through metaphors in English class; my physical body could not keep up with my mind and either could my teachers or classmates.

I discovered that It wasn’t just a coincidence that I was a great friend to those who put their trust in me, but that my “disability” was actually an ‘Ability,’ allowing me to solve my friend’s problems in record time. Please understand that this is not an easy thing for me to explain with words, but I am going to try to paint a picture here: Once a challenge is put before me, I create a situational matrix thing in my head. I see every possible conversation and outcome like little comic strip speech bubbles and one would happen to light up as if to show me the path to take. In my mind, it occurs in slow motion, but in real time micro seconds. For instance, if my friend says this to her boyfriend, he will respond like that… and they will break-up. If she tried this….then…and so forth. I have this strange knowing about how any conversation could go and in real time say something that would create clarity for the person seeking my advice. It came in handy in college when I became a resident Advisor and of course now as a Psychiatrist. Needless to say, I didn’t always follow my gift. Despite my awareness, my pride sometimes got in the way and I’d end up having to clean up a few messes of my own making. The more I utilized my gift, the easier my journey became.

While in medical school, I would sit in lectures and completely zone out until suddenly the lecturer lit up (again this is only happening in my mind’s eye) and I heard the pearl I needed for the exam. So it would sound something like this: “Blah, Blah, Blah, Vitamins A, D, E & K are fat soluble, and can only be absorbed with a fatty meal,” blah, blah, blah.” Sure enough, that information would be the question on the exam. It took me about a semester to truly acknowledge my superpower and start writing those pearls down.

Prior to my awareness of how to navigate this magic, I taught yoga in medical school three days a week. I was told by my advisor that I needed to put more energy in my medical classes than in my yoga as it could cost me my place at school- if my grades didn’t suffice. However, by that point over 50 medical students were showing up to my yoga classes and their gratitude for the peace that yoga provided them became my currency and fuel to push harder. You see, I knew doctoring wasn’t enough and that mindfulness was a necessary component to medicine. The good news is that soon after, I learned to trust my abilities, and complete my education, while continuing to share yoga. I’ve since heard the school created a building just because yoga had become a way of life there!

Post, school in residency, the attending initially made fun of me and called me ‘the weird yoga doctor.” By that point, I took it as a compliment. I was already sending out inspirational weekly writings to the masses, which grew by the hundreds. I knew my wacky ways, were creating a path for people who felt lost. It was at that point that I truly stopped caring what anyone else thought about me. Before long, when everything else had been tried on a patient, the attendings would call me into their office and whisper: “Hey, we don’t know what else to do for patient X. We were thinking maybe you could go on in and work your yoga voodoo?” And so I would; the patients were discharged 24 hours later. I’ve saved every one of my patient’s thank you notes. Those letters fueling me to stay on my path and follow my knowing.

By the end of my residency, I had completed a Therapy training on sex and relationships and had kept up with my yoga, meditation and life coaching workshops. I felt armed with knowledge, wisdom, non-judgment and life. However, once again I was strongly advised not to open a private practice. ‘Don’t do it’, my director implored. You must first work in a hospital for a secure income and build your private practice slowly. Fellow attendings warned it would take 5 years to build a private practice and working anything less than a 40 hour week was suicide.

Lucky for me, I had learned to trust my mind’s situational matrix and I didn’t listen to any of them. I opened up my practice and within 6 months I was full. I offered something that was not available anywhere else around me-medical knowledge, ‘alternative ideals’, and a space of total non-judgment. I created a schedule that allowed me to have Fridays off for myself, my yoga and my loved ones. A life where I can work, be with my son and travel to keep expanding my healing modalities.

I share my story so that you might unwrap your own. Where have you been told you were wrong? What disability was placed on a report with your name on it? Where have you been afraid to be weird, unique and totally you? What if I told you it was easier to fly if you have wings than crawl across the floor? What comes easy to you? What is so easy for you that you think it can’t be real? What are you so good at that you don’t think has value? What if other people would pay top dollar for that ease you possess? What if you can have the life you’ve always wanted by only following one person’s knowing? Yours! Because, you have a disability until you decide it’s an A-bility.

Here are some very real examples of what I am talking about:

A patient who was diagnosed with ADD for several years, by his previous doctor, made himself wrong for not being able to concentrate most of the week leading up to his exams. After a session together, we looked at when he does his best studying and chuck what he had been previously taught was the “right way to study.” What we discovered was that he is in fact a human sponge the night before his tests and used that information to ace his future exams!

The girl who writes 50 work reports when she is “manic bipolar,” cleans her entire house and gets ahead on her monthly bills, only to sink into depression cause she suddenly doesn’t feel like doing anything else. It’s until I ask her at our next appointment, “What on earth is their left for you to do?” As she laughs with gratitude, I observe this shift in perception. She grants herself permission to do nothing without making it wrong. Her depression is now peace. Her last doctor felt she needed to increase her depression medication that made her tired when she wasn’t able to get things done. Interesting?

Or the graphic designer who couldn’t sleep at night and was too tired to do his work during the day. His old sleep pills weren’t working and he was in financial debt. That is until we got him to stop the sleeping pills. He started working when he felt inspired-even if that was at night and sleeping when his body asks for it-even if that was during the day. Then he gave himself permission to acknowledge his ability and soon after, he lands a million dollar contract for the work he did when he “should have been sleeping.”

What if we could stop judging everything and everyone, especially ourselves? What would happen if every diagnosis was
merely something amazing yet to be discovered? What if there are wonders in every aspect of ourselves we decided was waste?

The thing is: You will never amount to anything until you do.

Love & Light,

Dr. L
(And yes, that is my real, true story)

Body shaming is learned.  Another way to talk about bodies:

Bodies are always an interesting topic in our society. In fact, a preoccupation with bodies and how people wish to change their own is a major reason adolescents come to see me in my practice.

Primarily, because they cannot see value in their bodies. How could they? From an early age, we are bombarded with billboards, advertisements, and, magazines all showing us what a woman is ‘supposed to’ look like. Placing value on looks over function. Almost none of the images shown for the public eye are true to form. This is another conversation topic, but important to share with our children.
Let’s take a moment now and think about what we can say to our children who may have heard or regurgitated a societal criticism to Lady Gaga’s skin, i.e. body during the halftime show? Perhaps try:

“That is actually a real human being on stage. Not a picture like in the magazines or commercial freeze frames, which uses filters (like snapchat) or computer modification that don’t represent what real people look like. Real people have flesh, muscles and bones. The proportions they show us on billboards or advertisements don’t exist in real life. I can understand how it might get a little confusing to appreciate the the real thing when it is dancing before our eyes during a halftime show. How about we acknowledge how talented and beautiful she is in her own unique, strong body to sing and dance like that at the same time?”

What else can we tell our children when these moments come up?

How about these 5 things:

1. The only thing that is truly yours:
You were only given one tool on this earth that is truly yours. The body you came in. It was specifically designed for whatever is required while you are here. A sports car is designed to go fast and is built that way. A min-van was built to hold a family. Your body gives you hints as to what you could do with it in the same way. It tells you what it desires to eat, who it wishes to be with and what it would love to do and learn. Often times, we can’t hear how are car is running when the radio is turned up too loud. Kind of like how it is hard to tune in to our body’s cues when an add for McDonalds or Dunkin Donuts is so big and bright. Our body may even reveal some natural abilities to be be used like tools if we open our tool box wide enough, peek inside and discover the gifts within.

2. Keeping our vehicle tuned-up
It is important to tune up our cars and it is the same with our bodies. The physical body is the vehicle we use to get around this planet. While it doesn’t need an oil change, per se, it might need some washing, grooming and a lot of nurturing to stick around for us. Our teeth fair better with brushing, our wounds need cleaning and our hair a good soaping to keep out unwanted critters.

3. Fill up the tank
We need fuel like our vehicles. Not gasoline, but food to run on. We don’t pour cheese puffs in our car and our bodies tend to run poorly on only them as well. Our human cells like natural foods with less ingredients. Think about things that only have one ingredient: orange, broccoli, Almonds, fish, etc. Our body gives us cues like when our mood is brighter and our energy is higher, that our body likes the fuel we are consuming. If we deprive our vehicle of the things it needs, it will shut down and have a shorter shelf-life. Our body is vulnerable too when we don’t give it what it requires. If we don’t eat enough, or get the proper nutrition, it will stop normal activity and our health will be at risk. If a factory machine is fed too many car parts too fast, it will get overloaded and create malfunctioning vehicles. Like cars, If we force our bodies to overeat, our systems get tired and overwhelmed, leading to organ mistakes that also put our health at risk.

Remove parts at your own risk:
There is only so much modification, painting, trimming we can do to our car before it stops being familiar to us. We are the same. You can remove (suction out) parts, and put new parts in, but you do so at the risk of losing the foundation of the machinery you were given for a reason in the first place. It is your choice though. Sometimes a new engine or hip can give our machine another ten years. Not all replacements are poor ones.

4. No two cars from the same shop will every be the same once they begin to drive.
That first trip out on the road may cause the car to hit a pot hole and suddenly there is a slight unevenness in the structure. Or a tiny rear-ending can lead to a dent in the back. Similarly, even identical twins start to show differences with time, based on what type of food they eat, how much sun ( vitamin D), their body absorbs (think freckles, hair), and what kind of movement their body is brought to experiences. If one child does gymnastics and the other soccer, there will be developmental differences. We will refrain from discussing developmental emotional differences here, but we can acknowledge they are also extremely significant. That is another discussion entirely. But you get the idea. We might come from the same shop (like cars or siblings), but our parts are definitely unique, once we hit the road of life.

5. It would be really boring if only one type of car existed in the world
This is the key to embracing what we have. A Porsche would not be much of anything if they were the only vehicle in existence. If everyone had the exact same body, we would all look identical and tastes would go out the window. That was not the evolutionary point according to science. The point was to be attracted to people based on natural instinct and survival of the species, not a magazine’s point of view. Each car is meant to attract a different kind of driver. Hence, why we have so many different cars. I personally, don’t like the smell or tiny space of a Porsche. But some people love it and drool over its sleek design. Our bodies are the same. Individually, they are meant to attract a certain kind of driver or mate.

In my practice, I conduct a lot of Sex and Relationship therapy and a really cool thing happens behind closed doors. People get honest to themselves about what really turns them on. The answers are so diverse. Just like how some people like a Porsche and some really like a spacious Minivan. Some Men like tall, athletic girls, other men like short girls with voluptuous curves. Some women like short guys with hair, some like tall guys with no hair. In all fairness, I do hear from the majority of men I treat and have worked with that they are naturally attracted to a woman who they don’t ‘feel like they will break,’ when riding through life together.

After my observations, women are often surprised to hear that the majority of men don’t notice things like cellulite or stretch marks the same way women do. I’ve heard women talk about the comfort of a belly on a man, and I’ve heard men talk about the sex appeal of ‘something to grab’ on a woman’s body. Above all, I hear about how people fall in love with the whole being (mind, personality & body). That the unique characteristics are what make a person fall in love with the individual from the crowd. Some endearing quotes I’ve been privy to: “that birthmark on her right thigh gets me every time,” “His long second toe is my favorite thing,” “her jiggly butt,” “His larger than life belly-button,” Her belly when it hangs over her pants,” “His saggy jewels,” “her contagious laugh,” “the way he hums in his sleep,” etc, etc. It has nothing to do with pant sizes or perfections. It has to do with the being who doesn’t look, or act like anyone else they know. Those imperfections are the perfect reasons we fall in love. We fall in love with the whole person and the person becomes our perfect.

So remind yourself and your loved ones to love the vehicle they are in. It was designed to function for YOUR life, look unique, and hold a personality just as distinct in order to attract people you are more likely to connect with, and a life that is perfect for you!
Sari Lehrhoff, MD
Alternative Psychiatrist
Short Hills, New Jersey

Is the news making you feel afraid, sick and hopeless? Do you feel like whatever you are doing or contributing is not enough? Would you be open to adding 20 seconds more of contribution to the world a day?

I’d like to contribute something weird and wonderful to aid in transcending current events. I have been working round the clock on every level to be there for patients, family, friends, & colleagues, but there is something else I can offer that has changed my life and may change countless lives if many of us do this cumulatively. In fact, we may be exponentially more effective doing the following exercise together. If you are still with this weird doctor and feel you have nothing to lose, here is what I offer: